Obviously, there were worse films made this year. I saw an average of a film a week in 2012, but there are still hundreds of films that came out in theaters or straight to streaming I didn’t see. I had good reasons to avoid most of these films. “The Devil Inside” has a 7% rating at Rottentomatoes.com and there were news stories at the time it came out about angry audiences throwing things at the conclusion of the film, so it seemed safe to skip and not worry about it showing up on end of the year critic’s lists as the an overlooked classic. Since I try to avoid Katy Perry music videos, I deemed it prudent to not invest in the feature length video, “Katy Perry: Part of Me 3-D”. Of something like “The Guilt Trip”, which features Barbara Streisand as Seth Rogan’s mother I will not see because it features Barbara Streisand as Seth Rogan’s mother.
But these films, for some demented reason, I had hope for. (Except, perhaps, for #4 which I didn’t see by choose.) I also only include films I watched all the way through. You could say that makes “Lola Versus”, a self-indulgent indie comedy, and “Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie”, an extremely vulgar indie comedy were worse because I only made it a third of the way through either. But perhaps they became utter genius after I turned them off. So here’s the five that in some way crushed my hopes for entertainment and enlightenment.
5) “Rampart” – This drama about a corrupt LA cop was written in part by James Ellroy author of some of my favorite mystery ficion (“L. A. Confidential”, “The Black Dahlia”.) Woody Harrelson stars, which can be a good thing (say, “Zombieland”) or a bad thing (say, “Edtv”); this time it was a bad thing. Self-indulgent drivel wherein the racist, thieving, drug addicted, alcoholic cop tries to make all of O.J.’s defense team fantasies come true.
4) “Little Brother, Big Trouble: A Christmas Adventure” – This Finnish direct to DVD holiday “treat” I saw at a church baby-sitting event. It is a sequel to 2008’s “The Flight Before Christmas” which I did not see. I’m not sad about this. Niko the reindeer has divorced reindeer parents, and for some reason when she brings home a new reindeer father and a new reindeer little brother, he doesn’t accept them immediately as family. Which the film seems to tell us is a jerk move. Oh, and there’s a eagle that has teamed with a pack of wolves that want revenge on Niko for something that happened in the first film. “Brady Bunch” did better at blended family moral lessons.
3) “The Woman in Black” – So, Harry Potter lost a kid and so now he’s not doing his 19th century lawyering job well because he lost a kid and is all ill-shaven. So his boss sends him out in the country to deal with a legal situation which is actually a ghost situation. The ghosts aren’t nice. Everybody makes stupid horror movie choices. Twist ending. Boring.
2) “Act of Valor” - I loved the idea of using an elite team of Navy seals to play navy seals. But as actors, the Navy Seals make not great Navy Seals. The story isn’t difficult to follow, but I found it difficult to bother. At least if there are any military secrets in the film, it seems unlikely that our enemies will stay awake long enough in the film to learn them.
1) “Dark Shadows” – Tim Burton and Jonny Depp must be stopped. They both have done wonderful things in the past, but now it seems that they just get together to do garbage. Burton needs a strong screenplay, not here. Depp seems to need good direction, not here. Now, I loved “Dark Shadows” the soap opera as a kid. I’ve watched it since, and it’s pretty dull. But it at least made sense. This is the kind of fantasy that has rules of magic that seem to change by the moment. And we are expected to cheer for vampire Barnabas Collins (Depp), though he commits several acts of mass murder just to quench his thirst, because he lost his love and is cursed and all. A sequel would be the most frightening curse of all.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Can Someone Who Disagrees With Me Still Be A Christian? (Spielberg's "Lincoln")
Most of us have a pretty solid grip on history. Slavery was evil. The 13th Amendment to the Constitution which ended slavery was most excellent, and you would most certainly have voted for it. And Lincoln was a great guy as can be seen by the fact that he is on mineral and paper money.
One of the marvelous things Steven Spielberg’s film, Lincoln, does is show how difficult some of these choices were a century and a half ago. In April of 1864, the US Senate passed the 13th Amendment with relative ease. The passage of the amendment through the House of Representatives, which was much more of a struggle, is the focus of the film’s action.
I choose the word “action” carefully. If your knowledge of legislation comes from Schoolhouse Rock’s “I’m Just a Bill,” you might be surprised by the intrigue, drama and humor that screenwriter Tony Kushner draws from public debate and backroom deals. We’re not presented with clear white and black (or blue and grey) hats to root for or against. We see good, wise and, yes, Christian men pitted in opposition.
Many Republican Representatives looked to Francis Preston Blair (Hal Holbrook) for direction. Blair was concerned that passage of the amendment would endanger peace talks. As great an evil slavery was, he believed, war was a greater evil. Thaddeus Stevens (Tommy Lee Jones), a leader of the abolitionist movement, had to downplay the scope and consequences of the legislation to help it pass. This galled the abolitionists, and was even more offensive to those of African descent.
Other Christian men, primarily Democrats, believed that slavery itself wasn’t evil, but was sanctioned by Scripture. Godly men (and women, but they couldn’t vote) claimed to seek God’s will on the issue of slavery and came to opposing positions. They didn’t have history’s hindsight to know what position would have the 21st century stamp of approval.
Abraham Lincoln admitted as much, even in the midst of the great Civil War. In an 1862 memorandum, he wrote, “In great contests, each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong. God cannot be for and against the same thing at the same time.” Throughout the film we see Lincoln (portrayed brilliantly by Daniel Day-Lewis) fighting, sometime even underhandedly, for what he believes is right, all the while acknowledging that he might not be right. He acts boldly, yet with great humility.
If Lincoln could show so much humility in the issues of slavery, war and suffrage, perhaps we can show some humility when it comes to such issues as abortion, marriage, and immigration. There are great dangers we face as Christians, and especially as a church, when we delve into issues the world views as political.
Jesus confronted one such danger when approached on tax policy (Matthew 22: 17 – 21). Jesus said some realms belonged to God and some to Caesar. We need to discern which things are sacred and which are secular, but we must avoid two other great dangers: we must not ascribe ignorance, evil or incompetence to others, just because they disagree with our moral or political points of view, and we must not abandon great issues to the world just because they are controversial.
The church played a great role in ending legal slavery in the Western World (don’t think slavery itself is dead). The church helped secure civil rights and fought racial prejudice. There are many other moral battles that must be waged, but we must walk in the Lord’s footsteps, being as wise as serpents, yet as gentle as doves.
(Lincoln is rated PG-13 for graphic battlefield violence and vulgar language, some of it escaping the lips of the 16th President.)
One of the marvelous things Steven Spielberg’s film, Lincoln, does is show how difficult some of these choices were a century and a half ago. In April of 1864, the US Senate passed the 13th Amendment with relative ease. The passage of the amendment through the House of Representatives, which was much more of a struggle, is the focus of the film’s action.
I choose the word “action” carefully. If your knowledge of legislation comes from Schoolhouse Rock’s “I’m Just a Bill,” you might be surprised by the intrigue, drama and humor that screenwriter Tony Kushner draws from public debate and backroom deals. We’re not presented with clear white and black (or blue and grey) hats to root for or against. We see good, wise and, yes, Christian men pitted in opposition.
Many Republican Representatives looked to Francis Preston Blair (Hal Holbrook) for direction. Blair was concerned that passage of the amendment would endanger peace talks. As great an evil slavery was, he believed, war was a greater evil. Thaddeus Stevens (Tommy Lee Jones), a leader of the abolitionist movement, had to downplay the scope and consequences of the legislation to help it pass. This galled the abolitionists, and was even more offensive to those of African descent.
Other Christian men, primarily Democrats, believed that slavery itself wasn’t evil, but was sanctioned by Scripture. Godly men (and women, but they couldn’t vote) claimed to seek God’s will on the issue of slavery and came to opposing positions. They didn’t have history’s hindsight to know what position would have the 21st century stamp of approval.
Abraham Lincoln admitted as much, even in the midst of the great Civil War. In an 1862 memorandum, he wrote, “In great contests, each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong. God cannot be for and against the same thing at the same time.” Throughout the film we see Lincoln (portrayed brilliantly by Daniel Day-Lewis) fighting, sometime even underhandedly, for what he believes is right, all the while acknowledging that he might not be right. He acts boldly, yet with great humility.
If Lincoln could show so much humility in the issues of slavery, war and suffrage, perhaps we can show some humility when it comes to such issues as abortion, marriage, and immigration. There are great dangers we face as Christians, and especially as a church, when we delve into issues the world views as political.
Jesus confronted one such danger when approached on tax policy (Matthew 22: 17 – 21). Jesus said some realms belonged to God and some to Caesar. We need to discern which things are sacred and which are secular, but we must avoid two other great dangers: we must not ascribe ignorance, evil or incompetence to others, just because they disagree with our moral or political points of view, and we must not abandon great issues to the world just because they are controversial.
The church played a great role in ending legal slavery in the Western World (don’t think slavery itself is dead). The church helped secure civil rights and fought racial prejudice. There are many other moral battles that must be waged, but we must walk in the Lord’s footsteps, being as wise as serpents, yet as gentle as doves.
(Lincoln is rated PG-13 for graphic battlefield violence and vulgar language, some of it escaping the lips of the 16th President.)
Monday, December 17, 2012
"Closing Christmasland" This Year's Christmas Program and Today's Long Post
CLOSING CHRISTMASLAND a Christmas play by Dean Anderson
Characters:
Tiffany the Tour Guide
Dad (Frank)
Mom (Nancy)
Chad
Chloe
Scrooge
English guy
Tiny Tim
Clarence Beige
Lionel
Louise
Popcorn Kids Choir
Dickens Choir, Popcorn Choir, Manger Choir
Scene: An Amusement Park
(Tiffany leads family to site)
Tiffany: Welcome, folks, to our special V.I.P. tour of Christmasland!
Dad: Does V.I.P. stand for Very Increased Prices?
Mom: Hush, Frank, I want to hear her.
Tiffany: Silly, V.I.P. stands for Very Important Persons, which you all are, which is why you’re getting this special pre-hours tour on this very special day in the life of Christmasland!
Chad: You mean on the death of Christmasland!
Tiffany: Well, this day does mark a very special time of transition! After today, Christmasland will be transforming into an even more magical place, Holidayworld!
We will begin the tour today by visiting several of the beloved attractions that will be making their final bows before giving way to what I’m sure will be even more beloved attractions!
Chad: Before you kill them.
Tiffany: And here we are at this very special attraction that opened over forty years ago in 1971, the Dickens District! Welcome to the world of Scrooge, Jacob Marley and Tiny Tim! Let’s see if any of the residents of this special place come out to see us!
Mom: This was my very favorite as a little girl! I loved A Christmas Carol and it was magical to see it come to life!
(Group dressed in Victorian garb comes out.)
Scrooge: Bah-humbug! Every idiot who goes about with “Merry Christmas” on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.
English guy: Pip Pip Cheerio! Blimey, here comes Father Christmas!
Tiny Tim: God bless us everyone!
Tiffany: Ooooooh! I feel like we’ve gone through a time machine!
Chloe: One of your ancient Englanders has an I-Phone in his pocket.
Chad: I’m glad they’re killing this thing.
Tiffany: Perhaps the residents of the Dickens District will favor us with a song?
(More Victorian dressed folks come out and sing, “God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen,” then the singers depart. Guide and family walk in place as if “moving” to a different part of the park)
Tiffany: What a delightful song with an unfortunate sprinkling of sexism from that period. This cherished attraction will be transformed in the newly imagined Holidayworld into Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania in our salute to Groundhog’s Day! Every day of the year you’ll be able to visit that lovable groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil!
Dad: Wow, Mickey Mouse must be shaking in his boots at the competition.
Chad: Can we just move on to Reindeer Rampage to go on the roller coasters? I want to go on Rudolph’s Revenge and Dasher’s Dive and Comet’s Vomit!
Tiffany: This tour is of Christmasland attractions that will be no more. I’m delighted to say that all of the rides in the Reindeer Rampage section will continue to be a part of Holidayworld!
Chloe: So you’ll be keeping Santa Claus sections of Christmasland in Holidayworld?
Tiffany: Oh yes! We’ll still have 3D interactive presentations of The Santa Clause Part 5! We’ll still have Santa’s Toy Shop where a wide variety of delightful products for purchase will still be available. Every day down Holiday Avenue there will still be a recreation of the Macy’s Parade from Miracle on 34th Street complete with the drunken Santa!
Chloe: So you’ll just be closing all the parts of the park that touch on the real meaning of Christmas.
Tiffany: The real meaning of Christmas? Oh, we’ll certainly still focus on the real meaning of Christmas…Family…The Joy of Children…Gift giving…All of that wonderful stuff! Now here we are at another attraction that will still live on in our commemorative DVD, Salute to Christmasland! now at half price.
Chloe: I don’t think you have any idea of the real meaning of Christmas. But I’ll give you a clue, think of the first syllable of the word.
Mom: Kids, you’ll love this one. This attraction brings to life that comic strip you loved as kids. You know, ‘Popcorn’, with that lovable loser Clarence Beige and his friend, Lionel with his Safety Quilt.
Tiffany: That’s right! And ever since 1987 we’ve brought to life this magic moment from that heartwarming special, It’s Christmas Time, You Idiot! Let’s watch!
(Clarence Beige, Lionel and Louise come out, with other kids.)
Louise: Clarence Beige, you’ve ruined Christmas! Christmas is all about getting good presents! And doing a great Christmas show! And especially putting up a glamorous Christmas tree covered with lights and glitter and tinsel!
Clarence: I’m sorry, Louise. But is that what Christmas is really all about?
Lionel: That’s not what Christmas is all about. It’s about this:
8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
That’s what Christmas is all about, Clarence Beige.
(‘Popcorn’ kids then sing “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing” and exit.)
Tiffany: I’m sure you’ll be glad to hear that this space will be used for a new Christmas attraction; from Home Alone we’ll have Kevin’s Violent Burglar Fun House.
Chad: That does sound awesome.
Chloe: So you’re getting rid of an attraction where the real Christmas story was read to make way for people getting hit on the head with boards and paint cans.
Tiffany: I’m sure it will all be quite tasteful.
Dad: And expensive. Will you have Kevin Sabotaging Sets in the gift shops?
Tiffany: We do still have Lionel Safety Quilts for a great price on our gift shops!
Dad: Shouldn’t we be moving along before the sensible people who didn’t pay twice the price are let in through the gates?
Tiffany: Yes, but remember V.I.P.s do go to the front of the line at all rides and attractions. Because you are Very Important People to all of us at Christmasland soon to be Holidayworld (trademark pending).
Chloe: So we’re more important because we spent more money. You people really do have no idea about what this holiday is about.
Tiffany: Here we come to the very first attraction built on this land. Joshua Noel, the late and dearly missed founder of Christmasland, built this attraction. Actually, what you see here is just part of the first attraction built. Mr. Noel brought various parts of the story of Jesus’ birth from the Bible to life. I’m sure you may remember some of those sections have been done away with over the years.
Mother: Yes, wasn’t there a section that told the story of John the Baptist’s birth?
Tiffany: Yes, the attraction that showed John’s father seeing an angel in the temple made way for Rudolph’s Revenge years ago.
Mother: And weren’t there displays that showed the Angel visiting Mary and the shepherds in the field and the three kings traveling?
Tiffany: Yes, but there was a need to make room for The Grouch Who Stole X-Mas stage show as well as our Elf Toy Emporium. But we still have our manger scene with the little drummer boy. This attraction will remain a part of Holidayworld, but it will be refurbished. Let’s give it a look for the last time in this form.
(Manger scene with children’s choir singing “The Little Drummer Boy”.)
Tiffany: The manger scene will be completely refurbished. This tacky little shack will be replaced with a giant structure which will be visible throughout the quad state area. We’ll have animatronic figures for the humans and animals built to ten times human scale. The robot drummer will be heard not only throughout the park but also in all the neighboring counties. The brand new spectacular manger scene will open in a year and be a highlight of Holidayworld.
Chloe: You just don’t get it, do you? The amazing thing about Christmas is that so much of it wasn’t amazing. To the eyes of the most everyone in Bethlehem, it was just the birth of an ordinary child in horrendous conditions. But it was really God entering our world. And He didn’t come to some vacation world; He came into our world to live with us.
Chad: But there was an angel choir when He was born. That must have been sweet.
Mother: And He was visited by strangers from the east bearing precious minerals and perfumes, that wasn’t ordinary.
Chloe: Yeah, but then He lived decades after that as an ordinary man, before His ministry days with miracles and His death and resurrection. Those are very important days as well. Is your new Holidayworld going to have a Good Friday Day with an animatronic crucifixion? And a open tomb for Easterland in 3-D?
Tiffany: Oh, no, we won’t have any of those things.
Father: That crucifixion scene would probably be a deal breaker for most tourists.
Tiffany: You must remember this is a special place that people visit in order to forget their everyday lives.
Chloe: I guess that’s okay. But it’s not Christmas. Some people treat Christmas that way. As a fantasy day, a getaway from real life; but Jesus came into the world to save our whole lives, not just a day.
Tiffany: Well, I’m afraid this concludes our tour. I trust you’ll join us again when the most joyous land on earth becomes the most joyous world in the universe!
Chad: Alright, let’s go to the roller coasters!
Father: I’m hungry; I’d even be willing to pay whatever amount of gold, frankincense, or myrrh they’re charging for a burger.
Mother: Chloe, would you like to join me and hit the shops?
Chloe: No, I think I’d go back to the real world. Jesus loves the real world. He gave up His life to save it. He wants to use us to make the real world the most joyous place in the universe.
Tiffany: You know I’ve never heard Christmas described in that way. Do you think later you could tell me about the real meaning of Christmas?
Chloe: I’d love too. I’d like to give you tour of Christmas in the Scripture.
Tiffany: That’d be great! Is this good news for everyone?
Chloe: Absolutely, Tiffany. That’s the great news about Christmas. God entered the world as a baby in the manger because He considers each of us a Very Important Person.
Characters:
Tiffany the Tour Guide
Dad (Frank)
Mom (Nancy)
Chad
Chloe
Scrooge
English guy
Tiny Tim
Clarence Beige
Lionel
Louise
Popcorn Kids Choir
Dickens Choir, Popcorn Choir, Manger Choir
Scene: An Amusement Park
(Tiffany leads family to site)
Tiffany: Welcome, folks, to our special V.I.P. tour of Christmasland!
Dad: Does V.I.P. stand for Very Increased Prices?
Mom: Hush, Frank, I want to hear her.
Tiffany: Silly, V.I.P. stands for Very Important Persons, which you all are, which is why you’re getting this special pre-hours tour on this very special day in the life of Christmasland!
Chad: You mean on the death of Christmasland!
Tiffany: Well, this day does mark a very special time of transition! After today, Christmasland will be transforming into an even more magical place, Holidayworld!
We will begin the tour today by visiting several of the beloved attractions that will be making their final bows before giving way to what I’m sure will be even more beloved attractions!
Chad: Before you kill them.
Tiffany: And here we are at this very special attraction that opened over forty years ago in 1971, the Dickens District! Welcome to the world of Scrooge, Jacob Marley and Tiny Tim! Let’s see if any of the residents of this special place come out to see us!
Mom: This was my very favorite as a little girl! I loved A Christmas Carol and it was magical to see it come to life!
(Group dressed in Victorian garb comes out.)
Scrooge: Bah-humbug! Every idiot who goes about with “Merry Christmas” on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.
English guy: Pip Pip Cheerio! Blimey, here comes Father Christmas!
Tiny Tim: God bless us everyone!
Tiffany: Ooooooh! I feel like we’ve gone through a time machine!
Chloe: One of your ancient Englanders has an I-Phone in his pocket.
Chad: I’m glad they’re killing this thing.
Tiffany: Perhaps the residents of the Dickens District will favor us with a song?
(More Victorian dressed folks come out and sing, “God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen,” then the singers depart. Guide and family walk in place as if “moving” to a different part of the park)
Tiffany: What a delightful song with an unfortunate sprinkling of sexism from that period. This cherished attraction will be transformed in the newly imagined Holidayworld into Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania in our salute to Groundhog’s Day! Every day of the year you’ll be able to visit that lovable groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil!
Dad: Wow, Mickey Mouse must be shaking in his boots at the competition.
Chad: Can we just move on to Reindeer Rampage to go on the roller coasters? I want to go on Rudolph’s Revenge and Dasher’s Dive and Comet’s Vomit!
Tiffany: This tour is of Christmasland attractions that will be no more. I’m delighted to say that all of the rides in the Reindeer Rampage section will continue to be a part of Holidayworld!
Chloe: So you’ll be keeping Santa Claus sections of Christmasland in Holidayworld?
Tiffany: Oh yes! We’ll still have 3D interactive presentations of The Santa Clause Part 5! We’ll still have Santa’s Toy Shop where a wide variety of delightful products for purchase will still be available. Every day down Holiday Avenue there will still be a recreation of the Macy’s Parade from Miracle on 34th Street complete with the drunken Santa!
Chloe: So you’ll just be closing all the parts of the park that touch on the real meaning of Christmas.
Tiffany: The real meaning of Christmas? Oh, we’ll certainly still focus on the real meaning of Christmas…Family…The Joy of Children…Gift giving…All of that wonderful stuff! Now here we are at another attraction that will still live on in our commemorative DVD, Salute to Christmasland! now at half price.
Chloe: I don’t think you have any idea of the real meaning of Christmas. But I’ll give you a clue, think of the first syllable of the word.
Mom: Kids, you’ll love this one. This attraction brings to life that comic strip you loved as kids. You know, ‘Popcorn’, with that lovable loser Clarence Beige and his friend, Lionel with his Safety Quilt.
Tiffany: That’s right! And ever since 1987 we’ve brought to life this magic moment from that heartwarming special, It’s Christmas Time, You Idiot! Let’s watch!
(Clarence Beige, Lionel and Louise come out, with other kids.)
Louise: Clarence Beige, you’ve ruined Christmas! Christmas is all about getting good presents! And doing a great Christmas show! And especially putting up a glamorous Christmas tree covered with lights and glitter and tinsel!
Clarence: I’m sorry, Louise. But is that what Christmas is really all about?
Lionel: That’s not what Christmas is all about. It’s about this:
8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
That’s what Christmas is all about, Clarence Beige.
(‘Popcorn’ kids then sing “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing” and exit.)
Tiffany: I’m sure you’ll be glad to hear that this space will be used for a new Christmas attraction; from Home Alone we’ll have Kevin’s Violent Burglar Fun House.
Chad: That does sound awesome.
Chloe: So you’re getting rid of an attraction where the real Christmas story was read to make way for people getting hit on the head with boards and paint cans.
Tiffany: I’m sure it will all be quite tasteful.
Dad: And expensive. Will you have Kevin Sabotaging Sets in the gift shops?
Tiffany: We do still have Lionel Safety Quilts for a great price on our gift shops!
Dad: Shouldn’t we be moving along before the sensible people who didn’t pay twice the price are let in through the gates?
Tiffany: Yes, but remember V.I.P.s do go to the front of the line at all rides and attractions. Because you are Very Important People to all of us at Christmasland soon to be Holidayworld (trademark pending).
Chloe: So we’re more important because we spent more money. You people really do have no idea about what this holiday is about.
Tiffany: Here we come to the very first attraction built on this land. Joshua Noel, the late and dearly missed founder of Christmasland, built this attraction. Actually, what you see here is just part of the first attraction built. Mr. Noel brought various parts of the story of Jesus’ birth from the Bible to life. I’m sure you may remember some of those sections have been done away with over the years.
Mother: Yes, wasn’t there a section that told the story of John the Baptist’s birth?
Tiffany: Yes, the attraction that showed John’s father seeing an angel in the temple made way for Rudolph’s Revenge years ago.
Mother: And weren’t there displays that showed the Angel visiting Mary and the shepherds in the field and the three kings traveling?
Tiffany: Yes, but there was a need to make room for The Grouch Who Stole X-Mas stage show as well as our Elf Toy Emporium. But we still have our manger scene with the little drummer boy. This attraction will remain a part of Holidayworld, but it will be refurbished. Let’s give it a look for the last time in this form.
(Manger scene with children’s choir singing “The Little Drummer Boy”.)
Tiffany: The manger scene will be completely refurbished. This tacky little shack will be replaced with a giant structure which will be visible throughout the quad state area. We’ll have animatronic figures for the humans and animals built to ten times human scale. The robot drummer will be heard not only throughout the park but also in all the neighboring counties. The brand new spectacular manger scene will open in a year and be a highlight of Holidayworld.
Chloe: You just don’t get it, do you? The amazing thing about Christmas is that so much of it wasn’t amazing. To the eyes of the most everyone in Bethlehem, it was just the birth of an ordinary child in horrendous conditions. But it was really God entering our world. And He didn’t come to some vacation world; He came into our world to live with us.
Chad: But there was an angel choir when He was born. That must have been sweet.
Mother: And He was visited by strangers from the east bearing precious minerals and perfumes, that wasn’t ordinary.
Chloe: Yeah, but then He lived decades after that as an ordinary man, before His ministry days with miracles and His death and resurrection. Those are very important days as well. Is your new Holidayworld going to have a Good Friday Day with an animatronic crucifixion? And a open tomb for Easterland in 3-D?
Tiffany: Oh, no, we won’t have any of those things.
Father: That crucifixion scene would probably be a deal breaker for most tourists.
Tiffany: You must remember this is a special place that people visit in order to forget their everyday lives.
Chloe: I guess that’s okay. But it’s not Christmas. Some people treat Christmas that way. As a fantasy day, a getaway from real life; but Jesus came into the world to save our whole lives, not just a day.
Tiffany: Well, I’m afraid this concludes our tour. I trust you’ll join us again when the most joyous land on earth becomes the most joyous world in the universe!
Chad: Alright, let’s go to the roller coasters!
Father: I’m hungry; I’d even be willing to pay whatever amount of gold, frankincense, or myrrh they’re charging for a burger.
Mother: Chloe, would you like to join me and hit the shops?
Chloe: No, I think I’d go back to the real world. Jesus loves the real world. He gave up His life to save it. He wants to use us to make the real world the most joyous place in the universe.
Tiffany: You know I’ve never heard Christmas described in that way. Do you think later you could tell me about the real meaning of Christmas?
Chloe: I’d love too. I’d like to give you tour of Christmas in the Scripture.
Tiffany: That’d be great! Is this good news for everyone?
Chloe: Absolutely, Tiffany. That’s the great news about Christmas. God entered the world as a baby in the manger because He considers each of us a Very Important Person.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
My Top Ten Favorite TV Shows of 2012ish
Maybe I shouldn’t do this list, since I watch my TV via Netflix, Hulu, and DVD, so it’s not all exactly up to date. My rules are, the show had to air in 2012 (even if I haven’t seen the latest episodes.)
10) “The Walking Dead” - I’m only up to through Season 2, a season many on the interwebs hated. But I liked it. And the interwebs seem to like Season 3 a lot better. I cared about characters in the show and got to see zombies as well. Who could ask for more.
9) “Raising Hope” – “Modern Family” almost took this slot. Both are very funny family comedies. I went with “Hope” because it offers it. The Dunphys on “MF” are well to do, well educated and functional. The Chances of “RH” are none of these things. But they are regular church goers, which is much more unusual in TV world, than the real world. Voted for Red State over Blue.
8) “Don’t Trust the B in Apt. 23” – The only show on the list that was new this year. At times the show has a nasty sense of humor. Chloe, the title B, is a pill popping, heavy drinking, trampy narcissist, who can’t even care for a goldfish. But she may be more functional than James Van Der Beek, played by “Dawson Creek” star James Van Der Beek.
7) “Community” – I think this show is still alive, NBC seems to have forgotten. But it did play a bit in 2012 and it has a sharp idea for parodies of movies and other TV shows.
6) “30 Rock” – The final season of this classic to be. I love how this season is mocking TV shows in their last seasons.
5) “Sherlock” – Three episodes? Come on BBC! But we did get the modern day Holmes confronting the modern day Moriarty, which was rather, very awesome.
4) “Parks and Recreation” – Most TV shows get worse. They go from bad to awful or wretched to putrid. Occasionally from good to bad. This show started with a bland pilot and first season and just kept getting better. Something else unique about this show is the characters are actually nice. You wouldn't mind them as your Indiana friends and neighbors.
3) “Breaking Bad”- Now the characters of this show you would not want as your friends and neighbors. Unless you’re a meth addict, and I don’t think you are. The creator of the show said he wanted to show Mr. Chips become Scarface, and now the transformation is almost complete. Not always fun, but always compelling.
2) “Mad Men” – Probably the most acclaimed show on television (the show right above is close.) I've read that advertising execs from the time say it doesn't really get it right. But do you really care if they’re accurate in say… Westerns or cop shows? They've build a fascinating world with subtle character choices and moral dilemmas. It works.
1) “Justified” – Raylan Givens is my favorite character in television. This modern Matt Dillon has some troubles in Kentucky, not the least being a man named Boyd with quite the angel and devil on each shoulder. In 2012 I saw the shows from 2011 and I’m looking forward to 2012 in 2013.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Final Day of Advent Skit-A-Day Week
CHRISTMAS EVE SNOOZE
Pastor
Julie
Vision
(Church service, tired woman in pew or seat, pastor at pulpit)
Pastor: “A record of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David and the son of Abraham; Abraham was the father of Isaac, Isaac the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers..” (continues to mouth the words of Matthew 1: 1 – 17 but becomes silent)
Julie: (head drooping, obviously nodding off, bobs up and down a couple of times and goes down for the count) Snores.
Vision: Hey Julie, you’re sleeping.
Julie: Oh, I’m sorry, um, thanks for waking me.
Vision: I didn’t.
Julie: Didn’t?
Vision: Didn’t wake you. You’re still asleep.
Julie: What are you talking about?
Vision: You fell asleep right in the middle of the genealogy and you’re still asleep.
Julie: So you’re just a dream?
Vision: You could say that, but I prefer to call myself a vision.
Julie: What are you talking about? Why are you bothering me?
Vision: Well, you were the one that fell asleep during the service.
Julie: Don’t blame me for that. If you knew what my last week was like. In order to take Christmas week off I had to do two weeks’ work in one. I had to wrap all Ben’s family’s presents and get them shipped. I had to pack for this trip, for the both of us, of course. Our flight didn‘t arrive till 3 AM and we were welcomed my sister Linda’s baby was crying through the night in the room next door, and then my mother insisted we leave first thing in the morning for an all-day shopping trip at the mall. Then after rushing down some festive Kentucky Fried Chicken, my father dragged us off to church just to hear who begat who begat who and of course I fell asleep. Sometimes I think Christmas could be so much more peaceful without families.
Vision: Families can be trying. And I don’t blame you for falling asleep. Church is a place for rest. But don’t belittle the begats.
Julie: What do you mean?
Vision: The who begat who’s help remind us that Jesus was part of a family.
Julie: Well, he wasn’t part of a family like mine. For instance my Uncle William is in town, former corporate vice president, future San Quentin resident. For several months we had to keep the TV remote at the ready so the kids wouldn’t have to hear his former employees talking about how he cheated them out of their life savings.
Vision: Well, if you weren’t sleeping through the Scripture passage, you might hear about interesting branches in his family tree. There was Jacob, a con man who cheated his own brother out of a blessing.
Julie: Then of course, my cousin Sky will be coming. I hope her new boyfriend doesn’t rummage through the purses for drug money like the last one.
Vision: Again, if you were listening to the list being read about Jesus’ ancestors you’d note it includes drunkards, prostitutes and murderers. His would be quite the family reunion.
Julie: Maybe his distant relatives were like that. But Jesus’ immediate family…Well, if you look at the pictures on the Christmas cards, it’s halos all around.
Vision: So you don’t think Jesus had family issues?
Julie: Well, not like I’ll be faced the next few days. My parents will drill my husband about why he hasn’t gotten a promotion. My brothers will continue a feud they started in high school. And my sister Linda is waiting for the results of a biopsy. It won’t exactly be Joy to the World in my house this Christmas.
Vision: So you think Jesus never dealt with anything like a death in the family?
Julie: Well yes, since you never hear more about Joseph, I guess I assumed he died, and Jesus had to deal with that.
Vision: Or sibling rivalry?
Julie: I suppose if Jesus was perfect, that fact probably wasn’t appreciated by his brothers.
Vision: In fact, during Jesus‘ ministry, his brothers said Jesus was insane. During his ministry, Jesus had to do things that he knew would bring his mother great grief.
Julie: I can’t imagine what it would have been like for Mary to watch Jesus on the cross. Or for Jesus, to watch His mother watch Him die.
Vision: Jesus came into a family when He came as a baby that first Christmas. He knew the same trials we all know living with a family. But He chose that life. So that He could live as we do, to show us how to live. That’s part of what God becoming a man is about.
Julie: You’re right. I guess God does know something about families, even mine.
Vision: Yes. In fact, Jesus came so you could be a part of His family, with God as your heavenly Father. But you really should be waking up now.
Julie: You’re right. Do you think anyone has noticed that I nodded off?
Vision: Just your father. Did you know you drool when you sleep?
Julie: I know, I know.
Vision: Have a Merry Christmas, Julie.
Julie: You know, I think I will.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
6th Day of Advent Skit-A-Day Week
A SIMPLE CHRISTMAS
By Dean Anderson
Cast: Man, Husband, Wife
(Husband and wife talk to each other. Man stands beside them or off to the side.)
Man: I’m planning a simple Christmas this year.
Husband: That’s what I say every year, but it never stays simple. For instance, this year I was just going to hang a simple string of colored lights around the house. But Peggy bought a life-size Santa.
Wife: It was such a sale. I couldn’t pass it up.
Husband: And you can’t have a Santa by it itself, so I had to get the sleigh and the reindeer and the elves.
Wife: But we didn’t want to leave out the religious part of Christmas so we put up a manger scene.
Husband: With talking animals. But we’ll do less next year.
Wife: I suppose we have no choice after getting that threatening letter from the homeowners association for violating the luminary regulations.
Husband: I guess we could do without those “Home Alone” decorations.
Wife: The animatronic Kevin that hits the burglars on the head? But the kids love it.
Man: My Father put a single light in the sky, to lead to the light of the world.
Wife: And then, of course, there’s the food. I have a mother-in-law who thinks I can’t cook. And she’s coming to our house for Christmas dinner.
Husband: Just because she brings her own entrée doesn’t mean she doesn’t think you can cook.
Wife: But I’ll be ready this year. We’ll start with a salad of white crane greens with herbs, marinated summer beans and champagne vinaigrette. We’ll have a side dish of hobbs bacon with black truffle crusted veal shortbreads. Then we’ll have the delicata squash soup with toasted seeds and crème fraiche.
Husband: That sounds like a bit much.
Wife: No, that’s just the beginning. We’ll then have pan seared halibut with flash cooked pepper puree. Along with the roasted roulade of turkey with traditional trimmings. For dessert I’m thinking of offering a choice of cranberry claffoutti with toasted walnut brittle or Verona chocolate cake terrine with raspberry compote.
Husband: When are you going to have time to make all that?
Wife: I’m not. I’ve hired a caterer. But you better not tell your mother.
Husband: Mums the word, along with yum.
Man: I offer bread and water. I am the bread, whoever eats of me will not hunger. Whoever drinks of my living water will not thirst.
Husband: Of course, the most complicating factor of Christmas is the shopping. I had to camp out at the toy store at 6 AM to get that Perfect Atomic Tommy action figure for Max.
Wife: I had to go to twelve different children’s clothing stores till I could find the line of My Little Tramp blouses Winnie wanted.
Husband: I doubt that was half the time it took to track down that first edition Stephen King novel your brother was asking for.
Wife: An elementary assignment compared to finding that teapot that matched your mother’s china. Let alone shopping for you.
Husband: How can you compare that to shopping for you?
Man: I offer the same gift to anyone who will receive it. Life, abundant life.
Wife: Did we get anything for your Aunt Trudy?
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
5th Day of Advent Skit-A-Day Week
THE BETHLEHEM CITY COUNCIL MEETING
Characters:
Board Chairperson
Board Secretary
Board Member
Marcus Annoyingus
Inn Keeper
Inn Keeper’s Wife
Neighbor 1
Neighbor 2
Chairperson: The Bethlehem City Council Meeting is now called to order. Secretary, could you please read the minutes of our last meeting.
Secretary: Minutes for the meeting of March 24th, 1 BC. There was discussion of renaming the main well in honor of our city’s founder, King David. An objection was raised about alleged business fraud at Levi’s Used Camel Lot. And there was discussion of the then upcoming Roman Census. The Chairperson at that time referred to the Romans as low-down, power-mad, thieving…
Chairperson: That’s enough of the minutes. We would like to welcome our special guest, graciously monitoring this meeting on behalf of our glorious ruler, Caesar Augustus, the good centurion Marcus Annoyingus.
Marcus: I’m sure that the spirit of respect and fear of the empire will continue throughout this meeting. That is, if you wish to continue meeting.
Chairperson: Do we have any new business? Yes, you there!
Neighbor 1: Thank you, Chairperson. I would like to bring before the council some problems that came up during the recent census.
(Marcus coughs)
Neighbor 1: Not that any of the problems were the fault of the empire. But you see, I live next to the Bethlehem Inn. And I have reason to believe there may have been a variety of zoning violations.
Innkeeper: We’ve done no such thing.
Chairperson: That is a serious accusation.
Neighbor 1: And a true one. According to the zoning ordinances, the inn can only use their stable for animals, and during the census they allowed people to stay there.
Innkeeper’s Wife: It was a man with his pregnant wife. They had no where else to go!
Neighbor 2: But it wasn’t just the woman giving birth in that stall. It was all those visitors in the middle of the night! I’m sure they were violating the noise ordinances!
Neighbor 1: Those shepherds! I think they were violating the smell ordinances.
Board Member: We have no smell ordinances.
Neighbor 1: Well, we should.
Innkeeper: That man and woman had no choice but to come to Bethlehem for the census on Caesar’s command. I would have given them a room, but we were full.
Innkeeper’s Wife: So we let them use the stable. And then something amazing happened. The shepherds came to our door and asked if we knew where they could find a baby in a manger wrapped in swaddling clothes.
Innkeeper: They told us they had been told about the baby by a host of angels that appeared on the hill top. They had told us that this baby is the Christ who had come to bring the world joy and peace.
Neighbor 2: I know. They went knocking on all the doors spreading the news.
Marcus: Only the empire brings peace.
Chairperson: But not much joy.
Marcus: What was that?
Chairperson: I said, “A baby boy?”
Innkeeper’s Wife: Yes, a baby boy. I believe grow to be the Messiah.
Neighbor 1: But they weren’t respecting the city ordinances.
Neighbor 2: Or the neighborhood’s peace and quiet.
Marcus: Or the empire!
Chairperson: Absolutely. From now on, when someone comes to your inn in need, you must consider what is really important.
Innkeeper: It was that night that I learned what is really important.
Chairperson: That will be all, meeting adjourned.
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