“This Is A Party?”
By Dean Anderson
Time: 5 minutes
Cast Breakdown: 5 any combination of M, F
Characters: Guest #1, Host, Guest #2, Guest #3, Guest #4
Props: 5 glasses (four with water, 1 with something that looks like prune juice) and 5 pieces of dark, dry toast
Setting: Living room in house
(Skit begins with guest #1 Guest knocking on door, and is welcomed by Host. Meanwhile Guest #2 is tapping foot, Guest #3 is sitting and drumming fingers on knees, Guest #4 twirling thumbs)
HOST: Welcome, to the party. Please, come in.
GUEST 1: Thanks, great to be here.
HOST: Would you care for a refreshing beverage?
GUEST 1: Sure, what have you got?
HOST: Water, tap or distilled. Grapefruit or prune juice.
GUEST 1: Oh, ah, water. Um, tap would be fine.
(HOST goes off, GUEST #1 goes to guest #2)
GUEST #1: So, how’s the guest of honor?
GUEST #2: Oh, me, yes. Adequate, doing adequately.
GUEST #1: So, what you drinking there, you old dog, you?
GUEST #2: This, oh, I went with the prune juice. I’ve had some regularity problems, and…
GUEST #1: Yes, well, hey, what are you two up to?
GUEST #3: Me, oh I was mentally composing my grocery list.
GUEST #4: And I was calculating and comparing insurance premiums.
(HOST returns with cup for GUEST #1 and a plate with burnt toast)
HOST: Now a toast to our guest of honor.
(GUESTS #2, #3, & #4 take toast from the plate, as does HOST and GUEST #1 does so reluctantly, all raise toast in air, then take a bite)
GUEST #1: You know, I don’t want to be rude, but this is the dullest party I think I have ever attended! Where’s the music, where’s the laughter, where’s the celebration?
GUEST #3: That is so rude.
GUEST #4: Who invited this rabble rouser?
GUEST #2: This is how we’ve always done parties.
HOST: Yes. If you were looking for a celebration, why didn’t you go to church?