Well, it is the second month of the year, and I haven’t seen any new releases, and nothing came out until last Friday that I had any interest in seeing (“Warm Bodies”.) So I’ve just been catching up on 2012. But there will be things coming out that I’m excited about, even more than the Valentine “Die Hard”. So here’s the Top Ten of Films I’m looking forward to in 2013:
10) “Much Ado About Nothing” – Sure, I liked Kenneth Branagh’s version, but this is directed by Joss Whedon. And I simply see all things Whedon. Bonus: No Keanu Reeves in this one.
9) “Iron Man 3” – Yeah, the second one was no great shakes, but this one was written by Shane Black (“Lethal Weapon” fame) so it shouldn’t be dull.
8) “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” – I really like James Thurber’s original story. The only question is whether this film will give us the “Tropic Thunder” Ben Stiller (excellent), the “Dodgeball” B.S. (okay) or the “Night in the Museum II” variety (yuck.)
7) “Trance” written and directed by Danny Boyle, sounds like his “Shallow Grave” which I’m okay with.
6) “The Grand Budapest Hotel” by Wes Anderson. Anderson was responsible for my favorite movie of last year (“Moonrise Kingdom”), so this should be worth a look.
5) “Ender’s Game” – Could Harrison Ford finally be in a decent film again? If they’re faithful enough to the novel, he could be.
4) “Her” from the bizarre mind of Spike Jones’ a man a little too dependent on his operating system.
3) “Nebraska” – Alexander Payne is back in the Midwest where he made his excellent “About Schmitt” and bonus points for bringing back Bruce Dern.
2) “Star Trek: Into Darkness” – I had great doubts about Abrams’ ST, but he won me over. This time with the modern Sherlock Holmes.
1) “Inside Llewyn David” – Coen Brothers is all I need to know.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
A Review of Lynne Olson's "Troublesome Young Men"
Winston Churchill hoped his predecessor as Prime Minister, Neville Chamberlain would be remembered as a man of peace. Didn’t work out. Chamberlain, if he is remembered at all, is remembered as a fool. He is the man who waved a little slip of paper from Adolf Hitler proclaiming “peace in our time” when in fact, bombs would soon be dropping in the heart of London. But during the 1930’s, he was the most powerful man in England. If he had stayed in power as PM, there is little doubt that Hitler would have taken England and completed his work of killing all of the Jews of Europe.
But Chamberlain didn’t remain in power because a small group of men (mostly) within the PM’s own party risked their political fortunes to oust him from power. It was tempting to write a “diverse group of men”, because they did have quite a variety of personalities. But on the other hand, they were mostly white men who came from the same privileged background and went to the same public schools (which would, of course, be called private schools in the U.S.), went to the same colleges and parties and were members of the same parties. A more homogeneous “old (and young) boys network” then we’ve ever had in the United States.
Which made the rebellion of men like Harold Macmillan, Robert Boothby, Leo Amery, Robert Cranborne and Ronald Cartland all the more amazing because they had to go against the core values they had been raised with, “not shaking the boat” and “good form” and “party discipline”.
The book takes what might sound like dry procedure, the parliamentary machinations of overturning an administration and brings out the humor, intrigue and bravery of the men’s actions (rather like what Spielberg did recently telling the story of the 13th Amendment in “Lincoln”.)
The rebels observed two things that Chamberlain seemed unable to grasp. One, that Hitler was an evil man that clearly expressed his desire to dominate Europe and kill Jews, not only in closed meetings but in rather detailed book he published and sold widely in his country. (English publishers bowed to Nazi pressure and left out the most incriminating sections out of the English language version.) Two, that England’s deteriorating military capacity needed serious upgrades in arms, training and recruiting. (Chamberlain didn’t want to spend the money. Because of the economy in the world wide depression and all. But he didn’t really seem too concerned about the poor in England either.)
Chamberlain believed he didn’t need the armed forces and that he overcome Hitler with his winning personality and amazing diplomatic skills. The Tory rebels acknowledged what Fascism was and what England needed. And they knew Winston Churchill was the man who knew these things as well and could bring these truths to the British people. So they fought to bring him to power, putting country before their own careers.
Sadly, many things in the book reminded me of current politics, such as:
1) Arrogant, narcissistic political leaders. Chamberlain at one time said to his cabinet, “You’re all wrong, wrong, wrong, I tell you! I’m the most relaxed and understanding of people! None of you, I insist, must ever say I’m dictatorial again!” It’s not hard to imagine these words coming from the lips of certain people in political power today.
2) Leaders who seem more antagonistic toward political rivals in their own country rather enemies in other countries that, you know, want to kill us all. Chamberlain’s Whip, David Margesson, had an extensive spy network of the Tories that he believed was plotting against the PM. But they didn’t have much of a spy network working at all in Germany.
3) A sycophantic press was afraid to say anything bad about the Nazis, because it might make them mad. The BBC also wouldn’t dare say anything bad about Chamberlain because it might endanger their paychecks. At least they had more tangible reasons for their servile behavior then today’s press has. But it’s often just as sad.
4) The old boys’ network lives on. But it’s just not boys, and they aren’t all white. But they still go to the same schools and the same parties and seem more concerned about being a part of the right crowd than doing what’s right.
So a good story is well told by Olson. And there are lessons to be learned. And as a bonus, we learn that the brightest and best of the rebels, Ronald Cartland was novelist Barbara Cartland’s brother and Churchill’s good friend, Violet Bonham Carter was Helena Bonham Carter’s grandmother. So there’s that.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Ten Favorite Films of 2012
There are several, surely Oscar contending, films that came out in the last month (“Django Unchained”, “Les Misérables”, “Life of Pi”, “Zero Dark Thirty”) that I haven’t got around to, but their loss for missing out on this prestigous list. (A few of these films have links to fuller reviews.)
10) “Coriolanus” – Sure, it’s Shakespeare, but some of the bloodiest of Shakespeare. Set in modern times, Ralph Fiennes as the title character spend most of the film battling Gerard Butler as Tullus Aufidius. But both of them probably would think twice about going into the arena with Vanessa Regrave’s Volumnia. This was a play I didn’t know, but the story and most of the dialogue was still clear and exciting.
9) “Sleepwalk with Me” –Pretty much just the names have been changed in Mike Birbiglia’s true, funny story of his battle with a sleep disorder.
http://deanaanderson.blogspot.com/2012/09/review-of-sleepwalk-with-me.html
8) “The Avengers” – Marvel fans were in awe of this being actually pulled off, so many big names from the books brought to the screen in a way that seemed to do justice to them all. Joss Whedon (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Firefly”) fans marveled that their hero was finally entrusted with a budget and time to follow his vision. And finally, someone got the Hulk right. (This film arguably edged another comic book film, “The Dark Knight Rises” and another Whedon film “Cabin in the Woods” off the list.)
7) “Bernie”- Surely a film starring Jack Black as closeted gay funeral home director, set in Texas is going to be mocking and insulting about that part of the country. And since the character is active in the church, one must assume the church will also in for a drubbing. But no. This true story of a strange but engaging man manages to get a lot right about sin and grace.
6) “The Grey” – Liam Neeson makes a lot of bad films. This wasn’t one of them.
http://deanaanderson.blogspot.com/2012/03/grey-fear-and-faith-in-twilight.html
5) “Damsels in Distress” – In the past couple of decades, Whit Stillman has made only four films and I’ve loved every one. This film is much more fanciful than “Metropolitan” or “Barcelona”, but it is still very funny. Set at a college, we follow Greta Gerwig and her roommates as they try in Emma-like fashion to come to the aid of their fellow students. (Favorite absurd lines, “If my eyes are blue, why don’t I see everything with a blue tinge?” About the education students who keep trying to commit suicide by jumping off a two story building, “How can they educate the youth of tomorrow if they can’t even destroy themselves?”)
4) “Skyfall” – There’s something to be said for having Bond be more human than superhero (though he still survives pretty incredible falls.) Even better to have a coherent story, decent villain and none of the shaky camera work from the last couple of Bond films. I also enjoyed the Bond backstory brought into play. And you can’t go wrong in bringing back the Aston Martin.
3) “Argo”- Finally, something good from the Carter Administration.
http://deanaanderson.blogspot.com/2012/11/we-need-moses-review-of-film-argo.html
2) “Lincoln” – Just when I was ready to write Spielberg off with Lucas.
http://deanaanderson.blogspot.com/2012/12/can-someone-who-disagrees-with-me-still.html
1) “Moonrise Kingdom” – I can understand people dismissing this film as fey and artificial, as Wes Anderson’s work can be, but I really liked the strange little world he made here. Young love and scouting are both duly honored. In a year where Bill Murray and Bruce Willis got good roles (“Hyde Park on the Hudson” and “Looper” respectively), they did their best work here (and that’s two of my favorite actors working.) When I wasn’t laughing, I was still smiling.
Monday, December 31, 2012
My Five Least Favorite Films of 2012
Obviously, there were worse films made this year. I saw an average of a film a week in 2012, but there are still hundreds of films that came out in theaters or straight to streaming I didn’t see. I had good reasons to avoid most of these films. “The Devil Inside” has a 7% rating at Rottentomatoes.com and there were news stories at the time it came out about angry audiences throwing things at the conclusion of the film, so it seemed safe to skip and not worry about it showing up on end of the year critic’s lists as the an overlooked classic. Since I try to avoid Katy Perry music videos, I deemed it prudent to not invest in the feature length video, “Katy Perry: Part of Me 3-D”. Of something like “The Guilt Trip”, which features Barbara Streisand as Seth Rogan’s mother I will not see because it features Barbara Streisand as Seth Rogan’s mother.
But these films, for some demented reason, I had hope for. (Except, perhaps, for #4 which I didn’t see by choose.) I also only include films I watched all the way through. You could say that makes “Lola Versus”, a self-indulgent indie comedy, and “Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie”, an extremely vulgar indie comedy were worse because I only made it a third of the way through either. But perhaps they became utter genius after I turned them off. So here’s the five that in some way crushed my hopes for entertainment and enlightenment.
5) “Rampart” – This drama about a corrupt LA cop was written in part by James Ellroy author of some of my favorite mystery ficion (“L. A. Confidential”, “The Black Dahlia”.) Woody Harrelson stars, which can be a good thing (say, “Zombieland”) or a bad thing (say, “Edtv”); this time it was a bad thing. Self-indulgent drivel wherein the racist, thieving, drug addicted, alcoholic cop tries to make all of O.J.’s defense team fantasies come true.
4) “Little Brother, Big Trouble: A Christmas Adventure” – This Finnish direct to DVD holiday “treat” I saw at a church baby-sitting event. It is a sequel to 2008’s “The Flight Before Christmas” which I did not see. I’m not sad about this. Niko the reindeer has divorced reindeer parents, and for some reason when she brings home a new reindeer father and a new reindeer little brother, he doesn’t accept them immediately as family. Which the film seems to tell us is a jerk move. Oh, and there’s a eagle that has teamed with a pack of wolves that want revenge on Niko for something that happened in the first film. “Brady Bunch” did better at blended family moral lessons.
3) “The Woman in Black” – So, Harry Potter lost a kid and so now he’s not doing his 19th century lawyering job well because he lost a kid and is all ill-shaven. So his boss sends him out in the country to deal with a legal situation which is actually a ghost situation. The ghosts aren’t nice. Everybody makes stupid horror movie choices. Twist ending. Boring.
2) “Act of Valor” - I loved the idea of using an elite team of Navy seals to play navy seals. But as actors, the Navy Seals make not great Navy Seals. The story isn’t difficult to follow, but I found it difficult to bother. At least if there are any military secrets in the film, it seems unlikely that our enemies will stay awake long enough in the film to learn them.
1) “Dark Shadows” – Tim Burton and Jonny Depp must be stopped. They both have done wonderful things in the past, but now it seems that they just get together to do garbage. Burton needs a strong screenplay, not here. Depp seems to need good direction, not here. Now, I loved “Dark Shadows” the soap opera as a kid. I’ve watched it since, and it’s pretty dull. But it at least made sense. This is the kind of fantasy that has rules of magic that seem to change by the moment. And we are expected to cheer for vampire Barnabas Collins (Depp), though he commits several acts of mass murder just to quench his thirst, because he lost his love and is cursed and all. A sequel would be the most frightening curse of all.
But these films, for some demented reason, I had hope for. (Except, perhaps, for #4 which I didn’t see by choose.) I also only include films I watched all the way through. You could say that makes “Lola Versus”, a self-indulgent indie comedy, and “Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie”, an extremely vulgar indie comedy were worse because I only made it a third of the way through either. But perhaps they became utter genius after I turned them off. So here’s the five that in some way crushed my hopes for entertainment and enlightenment.
5) “Rampart” – This drama about a corrupt LA cop was written in part by James Ellroy author of some of my favorite mystery ficion (“L. A. Confidential”, “The Black Dahlia”.) Woody Harrelson stars, which can be a good thing (say, “Zombieland”) or a bad thing (say, “Edtv”); this time it was a bad thing. Self-indulgent drivel wherein the racist, thieving, drug addicted, alcoholic cop tries to make all of O.J.’s defense team fantasies come true.
4) “Little Brother, Big Trouble: A Christmas Adventure” – This Finnish direct to DVD holiday “treat” I saw at a church baby-sitting event. It is a sequel to 2008’s “The Flight Before Christmas” which I did not see. I’m not sad about this. Niko the reindeer has divorced reindeer parents, and for some reason when she brings home a new reindeer father and a new reindeer little brother, he doesn’t accept them immediately as family. Which the film seems to tell us is a jerk move. Oh, and there’s a eagle that has teamed with a pack of wolves that want revenge on Niko for something that happened in the first film. “Brady Bunch” did better at blended family moral lessons.
3) “The Woman in Black” – So, Harry Potter lost a kid and so now he’s not doing his 19th century lawyering job well because he lost a kid and is all ill-shaven. So his boss sends him out in the country to deal with a legal situation which is actually a ghost situation. The ghosts aren’t nice. Everybody makes stupid horror movie choices. Twist ending. Boring.
2) “Act of Valor” - I loved the idea of using an elite team of Navy seals to play navy seals. But as actors, the Navy Seals make not great Navy Seals. The story isn’t difficult to follow, but I found it difficult to bother. At least if there are any military secrets in the film, it seems unlikely that our enemies will stay awake long enough in the film to learn them.
1) “Dark Shadows” – Tim Burton and Jonny Depp must be stopped. They both have done wonderful things in the past, but now it seems that they just get together to do garbage. Burton needs a strong screenplay, not here. Depp seems to need good direction, not here. Now, I loved “Dark Shadows” the soap opera as a kid. I’ve watched it since, and it’s pretty dull. But it at least made sense. This is the kind of fantasy that has rules of magic that seem to change by the moment. And we are expected to cheer for vampire Barnabas Collins (Depp), though he commits several acts of mass murder just to quench his thirst, because he lost his love and is cursed and all. A sequel would be the most frightening curse of all.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Can Someone Who Disagrees With Me Still Be A Christian? (Spielberg's "Lincoln")
Most of us have a pretty solid grip on history. Slavery was evil. The 13th Amendment to the Constitution which ended slavery was most excellent, and you would most certainly have voted for it. And Lincoln was a great guy as can be seen by the fact that he is on mineral and paper money.
One of the marvelous things Steven Spielberg’s film, Lincoln, does is show how difficult some of these choices were a century and a half ago. In April of 1864, the US Senate passed the 13th Amendment with relative ease. The passage of the amendment through the House of Representatives, which was much more of a struggle, is the focus of the film’s action.
I choose the word “action” carefully. If your knowledge of legislation comes from Schoolhouse Rock’s “I’m Just a Bill,” you might be surprised by the intrigue, drama and humor that screenwriter Tony Kushner draws from public debate and backroom deals. We’re not presented with clear white and black (or blue and grey) hats to root for or against. We see good, wise and, yes, Christian men pitted in opposition.
Many Republican Representatives looked to Francis Preston Blair (Hal Holbrook) for direction. Blair was concerned that passage of the amendment would endanger peace talks. As great an evil slavery was, he believed, war was a greater evil. Thaddeus Stevens (Tommy Lee Jones), a leader of the abolitionist movement, had to downplay the scope and consequences of the legislation to help it pass. This galled the abolitionists, and was even more offensive to those of African descent.
Other Christian men, primarily Democrats, believed that slavery itself wasn’t evil, but was sanctioned by Scripture. Godly men (and women, but they couldn’t vote) claimed to seek God’s will on the issue of slavery and came to opposing positions. They didn’t have history’s hindsight to know what position would have the 21st century stamp of approval.
Abraham Lincoln admitted as much, even in the midst of the great Civil War. In an 1862 memorandum, he wrote, “In great contests, each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong. God cannot be for and against the same thing at the same time.” Throughout the film we see Lincoln (portrayed brilliantly by Daniel Day-Lewis) fighting, sometime even underhandedly, for what he believes is right, all the while acknowledging that he might not be right. He acts boldly, yet with great humility.
If Lincoln could show so much humility in the issues of slavery, war and suffrage, perhaps we can show some humility when it comes to such issues as abortion, marriage, and immigration. There are great dangers we face as Christians, and especially as a church, when we delve into issues the world views as political.
Jesus confronted one such danger when approached on tax policy (Matthew 22: 17 – 21). Jesus said some realms belonged to God and some to Caesar. We need to discern which things are sacred and which are secular, but we must avoid two other great dangers: we must not ascribe ignorance, evil or incompetence to others, just because they disagree with our moral or political points of view, and we must not abandon great issues to the world just because they are controversial.
The church played a great role in ending legal slavery in the Western World (don’t think slavery itself is dead). The church helped secure civil rights and fought racial prejudice. There are many other moral battles that must be waged, but we must walk in the Lord’s footsteps, being as wise as serpents, yet as gentle as doves.
(Lincoln is rated PG-13 for graphic battlefield violence and vulgar language, some of it escaping the lips of the 16th President.)
One of the marvelous things Steven Spielberg’s film, Lincoln, does is show how difficult some of these choices were a century and a half ago. In April of 1864, the US Senate passed the 13th Amendment with relative ease. The passage of the amendment through the House of Representatives, which was much more of a struggle, is the focus of the film’s action.
I choose the word “action” carefully. If your knowledge of legislation comes from Schoolhouse Rock’s “I’m Just a Bill,” you might be surprised by the intrigue, drama and humor that screenwriter Tony Kushner draws from public debate and backroom deals. We’re not presented with clear white and black (or blue and grey) hats to root for or against. We see good, wise and, yes, Christian men pitted in opposition.
Many Republican Representatives looked to Francis Preston Blair (Hal Holbrook) for direction. Blair was concerned that passage of the amendment would endanger peace talks. As great an evil slavery was, he believed, war was a greater evil. Thaddeus Stevens (Tommy Lee Jones), a leader of the abolitionist movement, had to downplay the scope and consequences of the legislation to help it pass. This galled the abolitionists, and was even more offensive to those of African descent.
Other Christian men, primarily Democrats, believed that slavery itself wasn’t evil, but was sanctioned by Scripture. Godly men (and women, but they couldn’t vote) claimed to seek God’s will on the issue of slavery and came to opposing positions. They didn’t have history’s hindsight to know what position would have the 21st century stamp of approval.
Abraham Lincoln admitted as much, even in the midst of the great Civil War. In an 1862 memorandum, he wrote, “In great contests, each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong. God cannot be for and against the same thing at the same time.” Throughout the film we see Lincoln (portrayed brilliantly by Daniel Day-Lewis) fighting, sometime even underhandedly, for what he believes is right, all the while acknowledging that he might not be right. He acts boldly, yet with great humility.
If Lincoln could show so much humility in the issues of slavery, war and suffrage, perhaps we can show some humility when it comes to such issues as abortion, marriage, and immigration. There are great dangers we face as Christians, and especially as a church, when we delve into issues the world views as political.
Jesus confronted one such danger when approached on tax policy (Matthew 22: 17 – 21). Jesus said some realms belonged to God and some to Caesar. We need to discern which things are sacred and which are secular, but we must avoid two other great dangers: we must not ascribe ignorance, evil or incompetence to others, just because they disagree with our moral or political points of view, and we must not abandon great issues to the world just because they are controversial.
The church played a great role in ending legal slavery in the Western World (don’t think slavery itself is dead). The church helped secure civil rights and fought racial prejudice. There are many other moral battles that must be waged, but we must walk in the Lord’s footsteps, being as wise as serpents, yet as gentle as doves.
(Lincoln is rated PG-13 for graphic battlefield violence and vulgar language, some of it escaping the lips of the 16th President.)
Monday, December 17, 2012
"Closing Christmasland" This Year's Christmas Program and Today's Long Post
CLOSING CHRISTMASLAND a Christmas play by Dean Anderson
Characters:
Tiffany the Tour Guide
Dad (Frank)
Mom (Nancy)
Chad
Chloe
Scrooge
English guy
Tiny Tim
Clarence Beige
Lionel
Louise
Popcorn Kids Choir
Dickens Choir, Popcorn Choir, Manger Choir
Scene: An Amusement Park
(Tiffany leads family to site)
Tiffany: Welcome, folks, to our special V.I.P. tour of Christmasland!
Dad: Does V.I.P. stand for Very Increased Prices?
Mom: Hush, Frank, I want to hear her.
Tiffany: Silly, V.I.P. stands for Very Important Persons, which you all are, which is why you’re getting this special pre-hours tour on this very special day in the life of Christmasland!
Chad: You mean on the death of Christmasland!
Tiffany: Well, this day does mark a very special time of transition! After today, Christmasland will be transforming into an even more magical place, Holidayworld!
We will begin the tour today by visiting several of the beloved attractions that will be making their final bows before giving way to what I’m sure will be even more beloved attractions!
Chad: Before you kill them.
Tiffany: And here we are at this very special attraction that opened over forty years ago in 1971, the Dickens District! Welcome to the world of Scrooge, Jacob Marley and Tiny Tim! Let’s see if any of the residents of this special place come out to see us!
Mom: This was my very favorite as a little girl! I loved A Christmas Carol and it was magical to see it come to life!
(Group dressed in Victorian garb comes out.)
Scrooge: Bah-humbug! Every idiot who goes about with “Merry Christmas” on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.
English guy: Pip Pip Cheerio! Blimey, here comes Father Christmas!
Tiny Tim: God bless us everyone!
Tiffany: Ooooooh! I feel like we’ve gone through a time machine!
Chloe: One of your ancient Englanders has an I-Phone in his pocket.
Chad: I’m glad they’re killing this thing.
Tiffany: Perhaps the residents of the Dickens District will favor us with a song?
(More Victorian dressed folks come out and sing, “God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen,” then the singers depart. Guide and family walk in place as if “moving” to a different part of the park)
Tiffany: What a delightful song with an unfortunate sprinkling of sexism from that period. This cherished attraction will be transformed in the newly imagined Holidayworld into Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania in our salute to Groundhog’s Day! Every day of the year you’ll be able to visit that lovable groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil!
Dad: Wow, Mickey Mouse must be shaking in his boots at the competition.
Chad: Can we just move on to Reindeer Rampage to go on the roller coasters? I want to go on Rudolph’s Revenge and Dasher’s Dive and Comet’s Vomit!
Tiffany: This tour is of Christmasland attractions that will be no more. I’m delighted to say that all of the rides in the Reindeer Rampage section will continue to be a part of Holidayworld!
Chloe: So you’ll be keeping Santa Claus sections of Christmasland in Holidayworld?
Tiffany: Oh yes! We’ll still have 3D interactive presentations of The Santa Clause Part 5! We’ll still have Santa’s Toy Shop where a wide variety of delightful products for purchase will still be available. Every day down Holiday Avenue there will still be a recreation of the Macy’s Parade from Miracle on 34th Street complete with the drunken Santa!
Chloe: So you’ll just be closing all the parts of the park that touch on the real meaning of Christmas.
Tiffany: The real meaning of Christmas? Oh, we’ll certainly still focus on the real meaning of Christmas…Family…The Joy of Children…Gift giving…All of that wonderful stuff! Now here we are at another attraction that will still live on in our commemorative DVD, Salute to Christmasland! now at half price.
Chloe: I don’t think you have any idea of the real meaning of Christmas. But I’ll give you a clue, think of the first syllable of the word.
Mom: Kids, you’ll love this one. This attraction brings to life that comic strip you loved as kids. You know, ‘Popcorn’, with that lovable loser Clarence Beige and his friend, Lionel with his Safety Quilt.
Tiffany: That’s right! And ever since 1987 we’ve brought to life this magic moment from that heartwarming special, It’s Christmas Time, You Idiot! Let’s watch!
(Clarence Beige, Lionel and Louise come out, with other kids.)
Louise: Clarence Beige, you’ve ruined Christmas! Christmas is all about getting good presents! And doing a great Christmas show! And especially putting up a glamorous Christmas tree covered with lights and glitter and tinsel!
Clarence: I’m sorry, Louise. But is that what Christmas is really all about?
Lionel: That’s not what Christmas is all about. It’s about this:
8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
That’s what Christmas is all about, Clarence Beige.
(‘Popcorn’ kids then sing “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing” and exit.)
Tiffany: I’m sure you’ll be glad to hear that this space will be used for a new Christmas attraction; from Home Alone we’ll have Kevin’s Violent Burglar Fun House.
Chad: That does sound awesome.
Chloe: So you’re getting rid of an attraction where the real Christmas story was read to make way for people getting hit on the head with boards and paint cans.
Tiffany: I’m sure it will all be quite tasteful.
Dad: And expensive. Will you have Kevin Sabotaging Sets in the gift shops?
Tiffany: We do still have Lionel Safety Quilts for a great price on our gift shops!
Dad: Shouldn’t we be moving along before the sensible people who didn’t pay twice the price are let in through the gates?
Tiffany: Yes, but remember V.I.P.s do go to the front of the line at all rides and attractions. Because you are Very Important People to all of us at Christmasland soon to be Holidayworld (trademark pending).
Chloe: So we’re more important because we spent more money. You people really do have no idea about what this holiday is about.
Tiffany: Here we come to the very first attraction built on this land. Joshua Noel, the late and dearly missed founder of Christmasland, built this attraction. Actually, what you see here is just part of the first attraction built. Mr. Noel brought various parts of the story of Jesus’ birth from the Bible to life. I’m sure you may remember some of those sections have been done away with over the years.
Mother: Yes, wasn’t there a section that told the story of John the Baptist’s birth?
Tiffany: Yes, the attraction that showed John’s father seeing an angel in the temple made way for Rudolph’s Revenge years ago.
Mother: And weren’t there displays that showed the Angel visiting Mary and the shepherds in the field and the three kings traveling?
Tiffany: Yes, but there was a need to make room for The Grouch Who Stole X-Mas stage show as well as our Elf Toy Emporium. But we still have our manger scene with the little drummer boy. This attraction will remain a part of Holidayworld, but it will be refurbished. Let’s give it a look for the last time in this form.
(Manger scene with children’s choir singing “The Little Drummer Boy”.)
Tiffany: The manger scene will be completely refurbished. This tacky little shack will be replaced with a giant structure which will be visible throughout the quad state area. We’ll have animatronic figures for the humans and animals built to ten times human scale. The robot drummer will be heard not only throughout the park but also in all the neighboring counties. The brand new spectacular manger scene will open in a year and be a highlight of Holidayworld.
Chloe: You just don’t get it, do you? The amazing thing about Christmas is that so much of it wasn’t amazing. To the eyes of the most everyone in Bethlehem, it was just the birth of an ordinary child in horrendous conditions. But it was really God entering our world. And He didn’t come to some vacation world; He came into our world to live with us.
Chad: But there was an angel choir when He was born. That must have been sweet.
Mother: And He was visited by strangers from the east bearing precious minerals and perfumes, that wasn’t ordinary.
Chloe: Yeah, but then He lived decades after that as an ordinary man, before His ministry days with miracles and His death and resurrection. Those are very important days as well. Is your new Holidayworld going to have a Good Friday Day with an animatronic crucifixion? And a open tomb for Easterland in 3-D?
Tiffany: Oh, no, we won’t have any of those things.
Father: That crucifixion scene would probably be a deal breaker for most tourists.
Tiffany: You must remember this is a special place that people visit in order to forget their everyday lives.
Chloe: I guess that’s okay. But it’s not Christmas. Some people treat Christmas that way. As a fantasy day, a getaway from real life; but Jesus came into the world to save our whole lives, not just a day.
Tiffany: Well, I’m afraid this concludes our tour. I trust you’ll join us again when the most joyous land on earth becomes the most joyous world in the universe!
Chad: Alright, let’s go to the roller coasters!
Father: I’m hungry; I’d even be willing to pay whatever amount of gold, frankincense, or myrrh they’re charging for a burger.
Mother: Chloe, would you like to join me and hit the shops?
Chloe: No, I think I’d go back to the real world. Jesus loves the real world. He gave up His life to save it. He wants to use us to make the real world the most joyous place in the universe.
Tiffany: You know I’ve never heard Christmas described in that way. Do you think later you could tell me about the real meaning of Christmas?
Chloe: I’d love too. I’d like to give you tour of Christmas in the Scripture.
Tiffany: That’d be great! Is this good news for everyone?
Chloe: Absolutely, Tiffany. That’s the great news about Christmas. God entered the world as a baby in the manger because He considers each of us a Very Important Person.
Characters:
Tiffany the Tour Guide
Dad (Frank)
Mom (Nancy)
Chad
Chloe
Scrooge
English guy
Tiny Tim
Clarence Beige
Lionel
Louise
Popcorn Kids Choir
Dickens Choir, Popcorn Choir, Manger Choir
Scene: An Amusement Park
(Tiffany leads family to site)
Tiffany: Welcome, folks, to our special V.I.P. tour of Christmasland!
Dad: Does V.I.P. stand for Very Increased Prices?
Mom: Hush, Frank, I want to hear her.
Tiffany: Silly, V.I.P. stands for Very Important Persons, which you all are, which is why you’re getting this special pre-hours tour on this very special day in the life of Christmasland!
Chad: You mean on the death of Christmasland!
Tiffany: Well, this day does mark a very special time of transition! After today, Christmasland will be transforming into an even more magical place, Holidayworld!
We will begin the tour today by visiting several of the beloved attractions that will be making their final bows before giving way to what I’m sure will be even more beloved attractions!
Chad: Before you kill them.
Tiffany: And here we are at this very special attraction that opened over forty years ago in 1971, the Dickens District! Welcome to the world of Scrooge, Jacob Marley and Tiny Tim! Let’s see if any of the residents of this special place come out to see us!
Mom: This was my very favorite as a little girl! I loved A Christmas Carol and it was magical to see it come to life!
(Group dressed in Victorian garb comes out.)
Scrooge: Bah-humbug! Every idiot who goes about with “Merry Christmas” on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.
English guy: Pip Pip Cheerio! Blimey, here comes Father Christmas!
Tiny Tim: God bless us everyone!
Tiffany: Ooooooh! I feel like we’ve gone through a time machine!
Chloe: One of your ancient Englanders has an I-Phone in his pocket.
Chad: I’m glad they’re killing this thing.
Tiffany: Perhaps the residents of the Dickens District will favor us with a song?
(More Victorian dressed folks come out and sing, “God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen,” then the singers depart. Guide and family walk in place as if “moving” to a different part of the park)
Tiffany: What a delightful song with an unfortunate sprinkling of sexism from that period. This cherished attraction will be transformed in the newly imagined Holidayworld into Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania in our salute to Groundhog’s Day! Every day of the year you’ll be able to visit that lovable groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil!
Dad: Wow, Mickey Mouse must be shaking in his boots at the competition.
Chad: Can we just move on to Reindeer Rampage to go on the roller coasters? I want to go on Rudolph’s Revenge and Dasher’s Dive and Comet’s Vomit!
Tiffany: This tour is of Christmasland attractions that will be no more. I’m delighted to say that all of the rides in the Reindeer Rampage section will continue to be a part of Holidayworld!
Chloe: So you’ll be keeping Santa Claus sections of Christmasland in Holidayworld?
Tiffany: Oh yes! We’ll still have 3D interactive presentations of The Santa Clause Part 5! We’ll still have Santa’s Toy Shop where a wide variety of delightful products for purchase will still be available. Every day down Holiday Avenue there will still be a recreation of the Macy’s Parade from Miracle on 34th Street complete with the drunken Santa!
Chloe: So you’ll just be closing all the parts of the park that touch on the real meaning of Christmas.
Tiffany: The real meaning of Christmas? Oh, we’ll certainly still focus on the real meaning of Christmas…Family…The Joy of Children…Gift giving…All of that wonderful stuff! Now here we are at another attraction that will still live on in our commemorative DVD, Salute to Christmasland! now at half price.
Chloe: I don’t think you have any idea of the real meaning of Christmas. But I’ll give you a clue, think of the first syllable of the word.
Mom: Kids, you’ll love this one. This attraction brings to life that comic strip you loved as kids. You know, ‘Popcorn’, with that lovable loser Clarence Beige and his friend, Lionel with his Safety Quilt.
Tiffany: That’s right! And ever since 1987 we’ve brought to life this magic moment from that heartwarming special, It’s Christmas Time, You Idiot! Let’s watch!
(Clarence Beige, Lionel and Louise come out, with other kids.)
Louise: Clarence Beige, you’ve ruined Christmas! Christmas is all about getting good presents! And doing a great Christmas show! And especially putting up a glamorous Christmas tree covered with lights and glitter and tinsel!
Clarence: I’m sorry, Louise. But is that what Christmas is really all about?
Lionel: That’s not what Christmas is all about. It’s about this:
8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
That’s what Christmas is all about, Clarence Beige.
(‘Popcorn’ kids then sing “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing” and exit.)
Tiffany: I’m sure you’ll be glad to hear that this space will be used for a new Christmas attraction; from Home Alone we’ll have Kevin’s Violent Burglar Fun House.
Chad: That does sound awesome.
Chloe: So you’re getting rid of an attraction where the real Christmas story was read to make way for people getting hit on the head with boards and paint cans.
Tiffany: I’m sure it will all be quite tasteful.
Dad: And expensive. Will you have Kevin Sabotaging Sets in the gift shops?
Tiffany: We do still have Lionel Safety Quilts for a great price on our gift shops!
Dad: Shouldn’t we be moving along before the sensible people who didn’t pay twice the price are let in through the gates?
Tiffany: Yes, but remember V.I.P.s do go to the front of the line at all rides and attractions. Because you are Very Important People to all of us at Christmasland soon to be Holidayworld (trademark pending).
Chloe: So we’re more important because we spent more money. You people really do have no idea about what this holiday is about.
Tiffany: Here we come to the very first attraction built on this land. Joshua Noel, the late and dearly missed founder of Christmasland, built this attraction. Actually, what you see here is just part of the first attraction built. Mr. Noel brought various parts of the story of Jesus’ birth from the Bible to life. I’m sure you may remember some of those sections have been done away with over the years.
Mother: Yes, wasn’t there a section that told the story of John the Baptist’s birth?
Tiffany: Yes, the attraction that showed John’s father seeing an angel in the temple made way for Rudolph’s Revenge years ago.
Mother: And weren’t there displays that showed the Angel visiting Mary and the shepherds in the field and the three kings traveling?
Tiffany: Yes, but there was a need to make room for The Grouch Who Stole X-Mas stage show as well as our Elf Toy Emporium. But we still have our manger scene with the little drummer boy. This attraction will remain a part of Holidayworld, but it will be refurbished. Let’s give it a look for the last time in this form.
(Manger scene with children’s choir singing “The Little Drummer Boy”.)
Tiffany: The manger scene will be completely refurbished. This tacky little shack will be replaced with a giant structure which will be visible throughout the quad state area. We’ll have animatronic figures for the humans and animals built to ten times human scale. The robot drummer will be heard not only throughout the park but also in all the neighboring counties. The brand new spectacular manger scene will open in a year and be a highlight of Holidayworld.
Chloe: You just don’t get it, do you? The amazing thing about Christmas is that so much of it wasn’t amazing. To the eyes of the most everyone in Bethlehem, it was just the birth of an ordinary child in horrendous conditions. But it was really God entering our world. And He didn’t come to some vacation world; He came into our world to live with us.
Chad: But there was an angel choir when He was born. That must have been sweet.
Mother: And He was visited by strangers from the east bearing precious minerals and perfumes, that wasn’t ordinary.
Chloe: Yeah, but then He lived decades after that as an ordinary man, before His ministry days with miracles and His death and resurrection. Those are very important days as well. Is your new Holidayworld going to have a Good Friday Day with an animatronic crucifixion? And a open tomb for Easterland in 3-D?
Tiffany: Oh, no, we won’t have any of those things.
Father: That crucifixion scene would probably be a deal breaker for most tourists.
Tiffany: You must remember this is a special place that people visit in order to forget their everyday lives.
Chloe: I guess that’s okay. But it’s not Christmas. Some people treat Christmas that way. As a fantasy day, a getaway from real life; but Jesus came into the world to save our whole lives, not just a day.
Tiffany: Well, I’m afraid this concludes our tour. I trust you’ll join us again when the most joyous land on earth becomes the most joyous world in the universe!
Chad: Alright, let’s go to the roller coasters!
Father: I’m hungry; I’d even be willing to pay whatever amount of gold, frankincense, or myrrh they’re charging for a burger.
Mother: Chloe, would you like to join me and hit the shops?
Chloe: No, I think I’d go back to the real world. Jesus loves the real world. He gave up His life to save it. He wants to use us to make the real world the most joyous place in the universe.
Tiffany: You know I’ve never heard Christmas described in that way. Do you think later you could tell me about the real meaning of Christmas?
Chloe: I’d love too. I’d like to give you tour of Christmas in the Scripture.
Tiffany: That’d be great! Is this good news for everyone?
Chloe: Absolutely, Tiffany. That’s the great news about Christmas. God entered the world as a baby in the manger because He considers each of us a Very Important Person.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
My Top Ten Favorite TV Shows of 2012ish
Maybe I shouldn’t do this list, since I watch my TV via Netflix, Hulu, and DVD, so it’s not all exactly up to date. My rules are, the show had to air in 2012 (even if I haven’t seen the latest episodes.)
10) “The Walking Dead” - I’m only up to through Season 2, a season many on the interwebs hated. But I liked it. And the interwebs seem to like Season 3 a lot better. I cared about characters in the show and got to see zombies as well. Who could ask for more.
9) “Raising Hope” – “Modern Family” almost took this slot. Both are very funny family comedies. I went with “Hope” because it offers it. The Dunphys on “MF” are well to do, well educated and functional. The Chances of “RH” are none of these things. But they are regular church goers, which is much more unusual in TV world, than the real world. Voted for Red State over Blue.
8) “Don’t Trust the B in Apt. 23” – The only show on the list that was new this year. At times the show has a nasty sense of humor. Chloe, the title B, is a pill popping, heavy drinking, trampy narcissist, who can’t even care for a goldfish. But she may be more functional than James Van Der Beek, played by “Dawson Creek” star James Van Der Beek.
7) “Community” – I think this show is still alive, NBC seems to have forgotten. But it did play a bit in 2012 and it has a sharp idea for parodies of movies and other TV shows.
6) “30 Rock” – The final season of this classic to be. I love how this season is mocking TV shows in their last seasons.
5) “Sherlock” – Three episodes? Come on BBC! But we did get the modern day Holmes confronting the modern day Moriarty, which was rather, very awesome.
4) “Parks and Recreation” – Most TV shows get worse. They go from bad to awful or wretched to putrid. Occasionally from good to bad. This show started with a bland pilot and first season and just kept getting better. Something else unique about this show is the characters are actually nice. You wouldn't mind them as your Indiana friends and neighbors.
3) “Breaking Bad”- Now the characters of this show you would not want as your friends and neighbors. Unless you’re a meth addict, and I don’t think you are. The creator of the show said he wanted to show Mr. Chips become Scarface, and now the transformation is almost complete. Not always fun, but always compelling.
2) “Mad Men” – Probably the most acclaimed show on television (the show right above is close.) I've read that advertising execs from the time say it doesn't really get it right. But do you really care if they’re accurate in say… Westerns or cop shows? They've build a fascinating world with subtle character choices and moral dilemmas. It works.
1) “Justified” – Raylan Givens is my favorite character in television. This modern Matt Dillon has some troubles in Kentucky, not the least being a man named Boyd with quite the angel and devil on each shoulder. In 2012 I saw the shows from 2011 and I’m looking forward to 2012 in 2013.
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