6th Day of Advent Skit-A-Day Week

A SIMPLE CHRISTMAS

By Dean Anderson

Cast: Man, Husband, Wife

(Husband and wife talk to each other. Man stands beside them or off to the side.)

Man: I’m planning a simple Christmas this year.

Husband: That’s what I say every year, but it never stays simple. For instance, this year I was just going to hang a simple string of colored lights around the house. But Peggy bought a life-size Santa.

Wife: It was such a sale. I couldn’t pass it up.

Husband: And you can’t have a Santa by it itself, so I had to get the sleigh and the reindeer and the elves.

Wife: But we didn’t want to leave out the religious part of Christmas so we put up a manger scene.

Husband: With talking animals. But we’ll do less next year.

Wife: I suppose we have no choice after getting that threatening letter from the homeowners association for violating the luminary regulations.

Husband: I guess we could do without those “Home Alone” decorations.

Wife: The animatronic Kevin that hits the burglars on the head? But the kids love it.

Man: My Father put a single light in the sky, to lead to the light of the world.

Wife: And then, of course, there’s the food. I have a mother-in-law who thinks I can’t cook. And she’s coming to our house for Christmas dinner.

Husband: Just because she brings her own entrée doesn’t mean she doesn’t think you can cook.

Wife: But I’ll be ready this year. We’ll start with a salad of white crane greens with herbs, marinated summer beans and champagne vinaigrette. We’ll have a side dish of hobbs bacon with black truffle crusted veal shortbreads. Then we’ll have the delicata squash soup with toasted seeds and crème fraiche.

Husband: That sounds like a bit much.

Wife: No, that’s just the beginning. We’ll then have pan seared halibut with flash cooked pepper puree. Along with the roasted roulade of turkey with traditional trimmings. For dessert I’m thinking of offering a choice of cranberry claffoutti with toasted walnut brittle or Verona chocolate cake terrine with raspberry compote.

Husband: When are you going to have time to make all that?

Wife: I’m not. I’ve hired a caterer. But you better not tell your mother.
Husband: Mums the word, along with yum.

Man: I offer bread and water. I am the bread, whoever eats of me will not hunger. Whoever drinks of my living water will not thirst.

Husband: Of course, the most complicating factor of Christmas is the shopping. I had to camp out at the toy store at 6 AM to get that Perfect Atomic Tommy action figure for Max.

Wife: I had to go to twelve different children’s clothing stores till I could find the line of My Little Tramp blouses Winnie wanted.

Husband: I doubt that was half the time it took to track down that first edition Stephen King novel your brother was asking for.

Wife: An elementary assignment compared to finding that teapot that matched your mother’s china. Let alone shopping for you.

Husband: How can you compare that to shopping for you?

Man: I offer the same gift to anyone who will receive it. Life, abundant life.

Wife: Did we get anything for your Aunt Trudy?